Confessions of a Coward
by J2
Summary: An entry for Metal Garurumon's contest. Shortly after the Cell Game, Yamucha reflects on the choices he has made as both a human and a warrior.


Hopefully this is an insightful glance into Yamucha's character and a decent entry for the contest. Please enjoy, or at even better, become depressed. :evil grin:  
Feedback is appreciated.  
  
  
  
Confessions of a Coward  
  
They think I'm just a playboy.   
  
I do frequent more than a few sports bars, probably drink a bit too much sometimes, and pull more late nighters than I ought. Maybe I flirt with too many--naah, not possible. But I don't bar hop because I'm shallow. I've never admitted it, but deep inside I've never felt secure--not like Goku, with that confident, easy smile that says "I believe in myself."   
  
But he has a reason to feel that way. I don't. And I'm reminded of that everytime I'm with the rest of the gang. Whenever I'm with them, I'm reminded of the fact that I'm the weakest warrior. Good ole' Yamucha, the fun-loving, joke-cracking guy who's always the first to get killed or maimed when there's a battle. Cannon fodder. Even Chao-zu, with his telepathic abilities, is of more use than I.   
  
I doubt any of them know, or would even care, that I've made the front cover of Nippon Daily's "Sports Legends" issue. Twice. Or that I was offered 2.3 million zenni in endorsements last year and that I'm one of the most sought after players in the baseball drafts every year. In public, people trip over each other to get my autograph, and women fight over who gets my attention. I'm literally showered with admiration and praise, and my games are always sell outs.   
  
But I don't dare hope to stand out with the others. I just want to be an equal, an asset. Someone you would trust to watch your back and that was dependable in the heat of battle. I'm just a burden. Hell, Yajirobee, who can't even fly, is probably more of a help than I--he helps Karin grow senzu.  
  
It wasn't always this way. When Goku was just a child, I fought him to a standstill when he and Bulma dared to cross my desert without paying homage. Yamucha, the legendary fearless Desert Bandit...the mere mention of my name struck fear in the hearts of hapless travelers. I was Goku's equal, his ally. Together with Bulma, Master Roshi, Oolong, and Puar, we single-handedly fought the Red Ribbon Army. Just us, a few crazy rebels against an entire army. It was romantic--nights spent under the stars, machine guns clutched to pounding hearts, the smell of danger and excitement in the air. I've never felt so alive.   
  
But somewhere along the line, I fell behind. Goku continued to grow stronger in leaps and bounds, as did the rest, but I didn't. I should have realized it sooner, especially after my death at the hands of that suicidal Saibaman. I was the first to die that day--at least the others actually died fighting that lug Nappa. I didn't even make it past an ugly plant sprout. I just wrote it off as my carelessness--how was I supposed to know the thing would self-destruct--because I couldn't accept the fact that I was weak. After all, hadn't Kami-sama invited me too for special training in heaven?   
  
Upon second thought, I'm inclined to believe he made a mistake. Even a god can err. Maybe he was just grasping at straws, in the face of his planet's eminent destruction at the hands of blood-thirsty Saiya-jin.   
  
Whatever the case, I didn't recognize it at the time. Just being happy-go-lucky Yamucha, I suppose. Even after the birth of the Super Saiya-jin, I believed I could still redeem myself with enough hard training. When Mirai Trunks warned us of the dark future and the arrival of cyborgs, I didn't think twice about offering to fight with the rest. I was one of Earth's Defenders, one of the few, the strong, and the fearless.   
  
What a load of crap. I guess the others realized it before I did. No one offered to train with me. Goku asked Piccolo to train with him and Gohan, Ten and Chao-zu went to their home in the northern latitudes to train, and Kuririn decided to hone his skills with Master Roshi. I just happened to be the odd man out.   
  
No matter, I thought to myself. I'm the lone wolf. I don't need anyone to train with me. I could train at my own pace that way. The truth was that I couldn't keep up with them. I would have just held them back.  
  
I decided to work out at the Capsule Corp. gym. Plus, I'd also thought hopefully, maybe if I'm up there all the time, Bulma and I would rekindle our old romance. I had always assumed that one day we would get married, despite our often rocky relationship. Bulma, however, was too busy arguing with Vegeta whenever he actually wandered outside of the gravity room for food. Or boredom: he enjoyed purposefully picking fights with Bulma. I never even noticed the attraction between the two--I never realized Bulma would be turned on by a man who called her 'hideously ugly' and 'baka' on those occasions he didn't ignore her altogether. I just don't understand women.  
  
And to think Bulma became pregnant with Vegeta's child. I still have a hard time understanding that to this day, but perhaps she just wanted a man who could protect her. I couldn't even protect myself, when push came to shove.  
  
For those three years between Mirai Trunks' visit and the arrival of the cyborgs, I trained harder than I had ever trained in my entire life, although I think some of the others are under the impression that I just spent my time goofing off and ogling women. Karin was the only one who knew the truth: that I visited his tower on a regular basis to get more senzu for my injuries. I pushed my limits so much that I kept tearing ligaments and breaking bones. I don't know why I kept trying; I suppose I had the secret hope that perhaps I would get stronger after injury like Vegeta and Goku. It appears that only works if you have Saiya-jin blood. I should have realized I wasn't growing stronger when Karin just looked at me with dark, sad eyes as he wordlessly handed me another bag of senzu as I kidded him that soon the cyborgs would be the ones needing senzu after I got through with them.   
  
But then I nearly died at the hands of cyborg #20. I still have nightmares about it ...seeing the twisted, mutilated bodies of those unfortunate enough to be in the wrong place at the wrong time...hearing a woman's high-pitched scream of terror...rushing towards it...the cold look in the face of cyborg #20 as he claims responsibility for the killings. Then, before I can yell for the others, he grabs me by the face and drains all my energy. I struggle as hard as I can, but it's no use. Then I feel his hand punch straight through my body. I've never been in such intense agony. I thought I was going to die.   
  
After Kuririn revived me with a senzu, I finally realized that I could not help in the coming battle. That cyborg had defeated me without even breaking a sweat. I didn't want to burden my friends, so I told them I would sit this one out. What's the point of fighting and acting brave if you can't make a difference? Still, I just need to know one thing:   
  
Is it really cowardice to admit you've reached your limit?   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
